Monday 4th April 2011

I am majorly panicking today - tomorrow I go in to be induced at the hospital so the nerves are sky high. It feels so weird knowing that this is the last day of life as I know it!! Life is going to be so completely different (but in a good way hopefully!!) I am feeling apprehensive about having a c section too - if the inducement doesn't work tomorrow then its c section on Weds so my head's in a bit of a whirl.

Therefore I thought for today's post I would just go through what has happened these last few months regarding the breast growth. I would just like to point out these are my personal experiences and not medical facts so if you are at all unsure about anything then please see your doctor. Not sure when I will next be back on so here goes.....

At 6 weeks pregnant I realised that my boobs were getting king of big but not too much to make me worry however when I got to early December I knew that the rate of growth just wasn't normal. In total I have had 28 weeks of growth which is a hell of a lot I can tell you! I was so anxious that I went to the doctors who then sent me to a breast consultant who confirmed within a couple of weeks that it was gestational Gigantomastia and that it is an extremely rare condition affecting 1 in 28,000 - 100,000 pregnancies (odds which are way too random for me!) Basically it was confirmed that I would have to live it with as nothing can be done to treat this all the while you are pregnant. Hardly anything is known about this condition as it is so rare but one thing I did know for certain was that my boobs would continue to grow and the growth would know no bounds so to speak. I can't tell you how awful this time has been.

Painwise I have been in agony since early December - my back, ribs and neck can just about withstand the weight of my chest. I am now at the point where I constantly feel like I want to fall flat on my face when I walk or go to stand up. Balance is a real issue. I have a constant crushing feeling in my chest and as the breasts hang over my frame it feels like they are crushing into my sides too. I have difficulty putting my arms by my sides as the boobs are in the way - nothing feels like it is sitting naturally anymore.

I have to sleep sitting upright as on my back I can't get my breath. The weight of my breasts has made me short of breath these past few months and sometimes it gets so bad that I have trouble talking. It just feels like the weight of my chest is crushing the air from my lungs. I am unable to sleep on my sides because of the overhang - again if I try, I get an agonising crushing pain through my top half which is just unbearable. Sleeping is not great either as I can only lay in one position. During this time I continued to work but with great difficulty and I have to admit that I think I over-exerted myself too much in the end. I just wanted to be as normal as possible but there is only so much you can do in the end.

My everyday life is affected now because I have to be helped out of bed in the morning, I need help in and out of the shower, drying myself and even feeding myself can be problematic due to the massive ledge I have in front of me! I do worry how this is going to affect my dealing with baby as I know how hard I am finding looking after myself but I guess I am lucky as I do have such a supportive family who will help out.Hopefully anyone that thought this condition was funny may now see how debilitating this can be and does become.

I have already said about underwear and clothing issues. I would also like to say here that the only option I have for a properly fitting bra is to get one tailor made. Now this is all very well but trying to find a place that does this is very tricky and when you consider how quickly the breasts grow (weekly or every few days) you need to be sure that the bra is going to offer the support and space to grow. The only company I have found that can do this charge £300 for one bra - which is just out of the question!! If I was a millionnaire this would be fine but taking into account how much we have spent on bras already... The bra takes up to 3 weeks to be made which is useless as my measurements will have varied by then anyway and so this is a pointless exercise. The other horrible thing I have had is that the veins in my chest are very large and bulgy where the weight of my boobs is pulling at the skin from the neck down causing the veins to look as if they are nigh on ready to explode. I can't begin to describe the effect this condition is having on the whole of my body. A couple of weeks ago I started to get issues with my left leg becoming swollen. The whole leg went massive and the doctors thought I may have a blood clot. Luckily it seems to be just fluid that we have put down to the stresses my body is under from the condition as well as the pregnancy. That was when the obstetrician decided that an early delivery of baby is necessary.

The effects of this condition psychologically are enormous - somedays I just don't feel able to carry on and I don't think I have shed as many tears as I have done recently. I have seen a specialist at the Royal Marsden hospital who is hopeful that I should have some regression once baby is born but one thing is certain is that surgery will be necessary to regain my previous form. He also mentioned that my skin will be very stretched and saggy if I do have any regression which will obviously need sorting out too. Apparently the trigger for this condition in pregnancy is that the breast tissue reacts aggressively to the pregnancy hormones and causes this severe hypertrophy. The reason I have had such intense burning and itching pains in my chest is just down to sheer volume of blood pumping through the breasts. You have to be seriously unlucky to get this I guess....

I spend a lot of time thinking of having the reduction. I know this won't be carried out straight away but I am hopeful it won't be too long as I want my life back - I want to be me again. I haven't discussed procedures with the specialist at my local hospital as yet as there was so much else to deal with first. I have researched some methods and know what I would like to have done - however its whether the doctor will agree. I just want whatever procedure to be one that is permanent in the hope that I don't ever have to go through this again. Apparently, this will occur in any future pregnancies so again thats another blow to the system as I am not sure I feel ready to say "no more babies for me" despite all these problems. Its okay when its your choice to say that but when that decision is being made for you it's not so nice. I am seeing the specialist soon so hopefully I will have some answers.

Lastly, I did try to approach a couple of well known tv programmes in the hope they may research this condition and broadcast it on tv to gain some recognition but they weren't interested.

Hopefully, this blog will help raise the awareness and make people take it seriously. I will be back soon with more news. Wish me luck!