Not much to report - to be honest I have hit an all time low. I am fed up with this condition - fed up to the back teeth of it's rarity and how the only way to deal with it is to wait a few months and see how it goes (as advised by doctors etc). I am fed up because it is something I still have to live with despite giving birth 5 months ago. I haven't even got the energy for this blog today.
However just wanted to say I have had lots of information sent to me from somebody in Germany - it has been very helpful giving info about case studies etc. I have looked through some but am going to look at the rest later on as I just don't feel I can take any more in at the moment. I just feel very depressed right now. However it has been good to find info about the condition despite this and its definitely given me more of an insight into it. I am going to pass some of the sites etc to one of the ladies who has contacted me who is a fellow sufferer so hopefully it will help her too.
I have also been invited to join a forum of a sufferer of an entirely different physical affliction if you like which has been good because I have realised that there are many conditions/problems out there which make you stand out from the crowd. At the end of the day support is support whether or not it is found from a fellow sufferer or just somebody who knows what its like to be different. I feel I can also offer support on how I have coped too, and its just nice to talk with people who know how it feels. It doesn't matter they don't have my condition - its just respect and understanding.
I also feel that acceptance is what I need to achieve. I am slowly getting there. I have always felt that I was outside of myself looking in and that until my operation wouldn't be myself again but I have realised that is silly. I need to live in the here and now and accept this has happened to me and for now nothing is going to change that fact! I know at some point things will change so I need to concentrate on living life to the full. The forum has helped me realise that.
I have seen my plastic surgeon. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. He said there is no procedure to cut any nerves within the breast as well as saying more kids would kick start the condition again. (I am getting upset with different doctors saying different things too but I guess that's the way it is). He also said if I continue to see much more regression and am left with just saggy skin this won't be operable on under the NHS. They will take the skin away with breast volume and also uplift, but will not just deal with saggy skin. That really upsets me as we could appeal but its not guaranteed. It just seems so unfair after everything me and my family have gone through. Now I feel like saying please don't go down anymore- just so I can be operated on and have my boobs in the right place again which is a silly way to be. At the end of the day it is still a medical condition that has made this whole process necessary in the first place so I guess I should just do as advised and take one step at a time and deal with this as and when. I am keeping my faith in the NHS -I have got to! I know I am lucky to be a UK citizen as other sufferers in other countries don't get half as much medical support as I have already received. I MUST focus on the positives. One thing I have learnt this whole time is that this condition is always one step ahead of me, ready to stick the knife in that little bit further. However, if the NHS won't help me then I will have to look to private - not ideal but someway, somehow I will get this sorted. I am determined. I have decided that I am not going to stress about this until I see the breast specialist next year - what is the point? He can hopefully reassure me then. I have been lucky to have more regression but even though I am now more in proportion the effects of the stretched skin do need to be sorted out badly. I feel I have lived this condition inside out, upside down and know all there is to know about it now! I feel like I could be an expert who gives talks on the subject just through living it!
Therefore I am going to sign off for now. I may not be able to check in so much as I am returning to work shortly and I am finding that I have increasingly less time to do things I want as it is! However I will be providing updates when I can. I am always happy to help fellow sufferers if need be or anyone else who is suffering from any other condition that is causing misery. As the advert says "it's good to talk".
Thanks to all for your positivity and encouragement - it has been really helpful - I am just going to try to have a couple of months where I think about something else rather than this frustrating condition as I am fed up with it taking over my life and depressing me further. The time has come to accept it and just deal with it. I think this will only benefit my recovery in the long run and my medical supporters and family wholeheartedly agree.
I will update when I have any further news or doctors info to provide so til then ...
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Saturday 13th August 2011
I just want to say a massive thankyou to all who have been posting positive, helpful comments on my blog. It really has been trememdously comforting to receive some support and appreciate all your comments. I appreciate you taking the time to follow my blog so thank you.
As for me - there still has been no return of my cycle. I am now having to go for more blood tests as my doctor feels we just need to see if my prolactin levels are in fact coming down. It may be that we just need to keep a check on these for the time being before any further investigations are done.
I have been given some website addresses to peruse which I am hoping to investigate further in the next few weeks. I have to work doing this around the baby so I will be in touch with further news/developments regarding these as soon as I am able.
I have now purchased another bra - this time a 28J - this doesn't fit that well however the wire does not dig in so much to my skin like the 30K! I just have a bit of overspill over the top of the bra!! To be honest the best fitting bra is a full cup bra however these ones do push my boobs to the side again and I get that awful over-hang look at the sides which just enhances the size of my chest. I don't feel so comfortable when out in public wearing that so find it easier to wear the ones that push me together at the front to make things less noticeable! Comfort wise they are not great but at least it helps me mentally when out and about if that makes sense. The sports bra is great for sleeping in and just lounging at home but again offers not much lift or support (which is surprising for a sports bra!). I am now wearing 3 different sizes and style bra but do find this is helpful for weight distribution and therefore helps comfort-wise! The pain is not always on my back it can be moved to my shoulders etc - its still painful but at least I can give the areas a rest from time to time!
I am hoping to be given some pointers as to reading some case-studies too so hopefully can keep you posted on that too.
I missed counselling this week which has made me a little grumpy due to babysitting probs but got another session in 2 weeks instead so looking forward to another off-load!
I have been writing my experience into words - I would love to try to get it into book form but feel I am being way too over-ambitious - however it is therapeutic - a little like this blog! I think this condition is just too rare to garner that much interest but what do you guys think?
I have also been experiencing real heaviness in my chest after a nights sleep. I haven't had this since my pregnancy so not sure why this has started again. That coupled with my back makes it impossible for me to get out of bed with ease in the morning. It is a really horrible feeling and takes a good 10 minutes to abate.
Well thats all for now - keep all POSITIVE comments coming please!!
As for me - there still has been no return of my cycle. I am now having to go for more blood tests as my doctor feels we just need to see if my prolactin levels are in fact coming down. It may be that we just need to keep a check on these for the time being before any further investigations are done.
I have been given some website addresses to peruse which I am hoping to investigate further in the next few weeks. I have to work doing this around the baby so I will be in touch with further news/developments regarding these as soon as I am able.
I have now purchased another bra - this time a 28J - this doesn't fit that well however the wire does not dig in so much to my skin like the 30K! I just have a bit of overspill over the top of the bra!! To be honest the best fitting bra is a full cup bra however these ones do push my boobs to the side again and I get that awful over-hang look at the sides which just enhances the size of my chest. I don't feel so comfortable when out in public wearing that so find it easier to wear the ones that push me together at the front to make things less noticeable! Comfort wise they are not great but at least it helps me mentally when out and about if that makes sense. The sports bra is great for sleeping in and just lounging at home but again offers not much lift or support (which is surprising for a sports bra!). I am now wearing 3 different sizes and style bra but do find this is helpful for weight distribution and therefore helps comfort-wise! The pain is not always on my back it can be moved to my shoulders etc - its still painful but at least I can give the areas a rest from time to time!
I am hoping to be given some pointers as to reading some case-studies too so hopefully can keep you posted on that too.
I missed counselling this week which has made me a little grumpy due to babysitting probs but got another session in 2 weeks instead so looking forward to another off-load!
I have been writing my experience into words - I would love to try to get it into book form but feel I am being way too over-ambitious - however it is therapeutic - a little like this blog! I think this condition is just too rare to garner that much interest but what do you guys think?
I have also been experiencing real heaviness in my chest after a nights sleep. I haven't had this since my pregnancy so not sure why this has started again. That coupled with my back makes it impossible for me to get out of bed with ease in the morning. It is a really horrible feeling and takes a good 10 minutes to abate.
Well thats all for now - keep all POSITIVE comments coming please!!
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Saturday 30th July 2011
I have been to see my GP a couple of times now as my monthly cycle still hasn't returned. After a couple of blood tests it has been confirmed that my levels of prolactin are still extremely high - over 1,000, but should be about 500 which is probably why this hasn't happened. The doctor feels this isn't anything to worry about at the moment but is obviously all linked with the hypertrophic breast situation and just needs to be monitored. I have to say I have had the worst headache for nigh on 3 weeks now and I just feel like I have PMT all the time which is not so good! The results of these tests do confirm what the consultant at the hospital was telling me regarding too much hormonal activity for any surgery to take place so it really has brought it home to me just how long this condition takes to stabilise! I can't believe how it has impacted on so many other functions of my body as well as the obvious!
I went to see my counsellor again this week after a month's break from it. I have to say I was well and truly ready after a couple of negative things that have happened lately so found that I did get a much needed lift after seeing her again.
I am now hoping to trace the case study that the Registrar at the hospital said she was going to publish. I am a little unsure how to go about doing this so if anyone has any ideas please feel free to let me know.
Also I am back to see my GP next week for any update on the Prolactin - I can't believe I am saying this but I cannot wait to see my period again!! (I won't be saying this when the cramps start though!) It indicates that things are settling down in the hormone department which can only be a good thing with regards to my surgery!
I am also hoping to get another bra - I am in so much pain underneath my breasts on the rib cage where the weight of them has caused the wire to press into my skin. My skin has become so thin and is getting sore where its breaking. I have tried putting cotton padding underneath but it's not really working and in this hotter weather only makes the heat emanating from them even worse. I thought I would try the shop I went to in June to see if they could suggest another type/make of bra that may offer better support. Will keep you posted.
I went to see my counsellor again this week after a month's break from it. I have to say I was well and truly ready after a couple of negative things that have happened lately so found that I did get a much needed lift after seeing her again.
I am now hoping to trace the case study that the Registrar at the hospital said she was going to publish. I am a little unsure how to go about doing this so if anyone has any ideas please feel free to let me know.
Also I am back to see my GP next week for any update on the Prolactin - I can't believe I am saying this but I cannot wait to see my period again!! (I won't be saying this when the cramps start though!) It indicates that things are settling down in the hormone department which can only be a good thing with regards to my surgery!
I am also hoping to get another bra - I am in so much pain underneath my breasts on the rib cage where the weight of them has caused the wire to press into my skin. My skin has become so thin and is getting sore where its breaking. I have tried putting cotton padding underneath but it's not really working and in this hotter weather only makes the heat emanating from them even worse. I thought I would try the shop I went to in June to see if they could suggest another type/make of bra that may offer better support. Will keep you posted.
Saturday, 16 July 2011
Saturday 16th July 2011
This week I saw my consultant who unfortunately has confirmed that I am still unable to go through to the reduction stage.
Apparently he can tell that there is still too much hormonal activity occuring within the breast due to the heat, hardness and discolouration in both breasts. So not the best news ever but he once again confirmed that I would be sorted out. His reasoning is that to operate now means that there could be mass problems with milk leakage which would prevent a neat scar and if we operated too early could result in a mastectomy which obviously is not what any of us want. He says that it will be best to wait another 6 months and get it right than to do now and have it all go drastically wrong. I know if I was on the outside in I would urge someone else to take his advice and do as he says - its just hard when you are living with this to see it that way but I do totally appreciate he has my best interests at heart.
On the plus side he has agreed to let me go and see the plastic surgeon to talk about the surgery and at least that way I feel like we are moving forwards rather than at stalemate if that makes sense!
The bestest thing ever though is that he has agreed to perform the surgery that will cut the nerves etc which will prevent this from re-occuring during pregnancy again. He assures me that it won't, but at the moment I am not sure if I want to take that risk however at least I have that choice!
So even though it didn't feel like I was getting anywhere at least we finally have some positives. Hopefully I can muddle through the next 6 months and hopefully have some good news regarding surgery in the new year. Lets keep everything crossed then!!
Finally, I have had some negative comments regarding whether or not I can technically say I have suffered with Gigantomastia. They have been hard to read but all I can say is that myself, my doctors and my nearest and dearest know the truth and just how tough this has been. My intention has been only to create some recognition and understanding for this condition and had hoped that fellow sufferes could all stick together. It seems that may not be the case but I would only ask that nobody make judgement until they have put themselves in my shoes first.
I will keep you updated - if anyone is still interested!!!
Apparently he can tell that there is still too much hormonal activity occuring within the breast due to the heat, hardness and discolouration in both breasts. So not the best news ever but he once again confirmed that I would be sorted out. His reasoning is that to operate now means that there could be mass problems with milk leakage which would prevent a neat scar and if we operated too early could result in a mastectomy which obviously is not what any of us want. He says that it will be best to wait another 6 months and get it right than to do now and have it all go drastically wrong. I know if I was on the outside in I would urge someone else to take his advice and do as he says - its just hard when you are living with this to see it that way but I do totally appreciate he has my best interests at heart.
On the plus side he has agreed to let me go and see the plastic surgeon to talk about the surgery and at least that way I feel like we are moving forwards rather than at stalemate if that makes sense!
The bestest thing ever though is that he has agreed to perform the surgery that will cut the nerves etc which will prevent this from re-occuring during pregnancy again. He assures me that it won't, but at the moment I am not sure if I want to take that risk however at least I have that choice!
So even though it didn't feel like I was getting anywhere at least we finally have some positives. Hopefully I can muddle through the next 6 months and hopefully have some good news regarding surgery in the new year. Lets keep everything crossed then!!
Finally, I have had some negative comments regarding whether or not I can technically say I have suffered with Gigantomastia. They have been hard to read but all I can say is that myself, my doctors and my nearest and dearest know the truth and just how tough this has been. My intention has been only to create some recognition and understanding for this condition and had hoped that fellow sufferes could all stick together. It seems that may not be the case but I would only ask that nobody make judgement until they have put themselves in my shoes first.
I will keep you updated - if anyone is still interested!!!
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Sunday 10th July 2011
I have to wonder why some people think it is ok to voice their opinions on another persons appearance without any invitation for them to do so.
Last night I went to the cinema with a friend and as I was walking from my car to the cinema some idiot decided to make a rather loud comment about my - his words - knockers. I could have just punched him right in the mouth - how dare he?? I was having a good day until that point and as soon as that happened felt crap again. Why can't people just keep their traps shut. This is not the first time something like this has happened and I am 100% certain (sad to say) not the last either.
And some people wonder why I am fed up with living with this...
Last night I went to the cinema with a friend and as I was walking from my car to the cinema some idiot decided to make a rather loud comment about my - his words - knockers. I could have just punched him right in the mouth - how dare he?? I was having a good day until that point and as soon as that happened felt crap again. Why can't people just keep their traps shut. This is not the first time something like this has happened and I am 100% certain (sad to say) not the last either.
And some people wonder why I am fed up with living with this...
Saturday, 9 July 2011
Saturday 9th July 2011
We went to Clacton last weekend for a family day out - it was lovely however I am unable to wear the clothes I want to wear. I am totally frustrated as even the companies that specialise in bigger bras don't sell bikinis to fit the bigger busted lady. They seem to stop at a g cup. If I am totally honest I don't particularly wish to wear a bikini but it would be nice to be able to purchase a swimsuit or tankini so that when on the beach I don't feel out of place... Instead I sat there in one of my horrible mammoth tops wishing I could be sunning my shoulders in one of my strapless tops!! I really really hate being like this and just want to be normal again..
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Tuesday 28th June 2011
I have had a couple of counselling sessions these past couple of weeks which have made me feel quite down. It's great offloading and she is a really great counsellor but it's just me - I feel like I just want to cry when I go because the lack of substantial regression is getting me down. I just want it all sorted out and when I talk about how I feel it just makes me even more depressed as we don't seem to be anywhere nearer sorting me out if that makes sense. It's so frustrating talking about something I hardly know anything about.
On a more positive note I went to a friend's wedding at the weekend and managed to wear the lovely dress brought for me by my hubby. I did feel really self conscious to begin with but then I thought stuff it I am here to enjoy myself and did my utmost to do just that! I felt a little bit like my old self as I tried to make the effort by doing my makeup and getting my hair done.
The hot weather isn't great when you are as top heavy as me. My bra with underwire is just so uncomfortable at the best of times but coupled with the sweat from hot weather (gross I know!) it becomes unbearable. What I find hard to deal with is how dumpy I look. I find that because my tops have to be baggy to take account of my chest size it just looks like a tent over the rest of me, but because the top clings off my chest the overall effect is that I am bigger than I actually am. I am only 5ft tall so it doesn't take much to make me look huge! It's actually quite hard to pull off any trendy look these days and I find that I am most comfortable in jeans and tshirts. I miss wearing feminine dresses and skirts which is why I was so excited to get into the dress which I wore to the wedding. I am so hoping that this time next Summer I will be back into my girlie clothes again!
I have still been going to spin classes at the gym so very pleased with myself. I watched the combat class on Thursday night and got withdrawals! I so wanted to go and join in but I just can't do the jumping up and down. I have decided I might go along one week and do it all low impact however the only problem with that is that it can make things worse when I go along but can't do it at the intensity I prefer! However I think I may just give it a try and see how I go. I have been doing my dvd's at home but mostly low impact. Whenever I do try to do a jog or a star jump I have to hold my breasts tightly in place otherwise the pain I feel is horrendous. Somehow I don't think this method would work at the gym and would only cause me unwanted stares! It works ok at home in my living room though! I have only just felt able to up the intensity of my workouts too so it is a really weird feeling when your head is telling you to up the ante but my body physically won't let me!!
Other than that my back pain seems to be getting much worse but I guess I have just got to get on with it! Baby Sam is just gorgeous however and I am loving every minute of him.
That's about it for now....
On a more positive note I went to a friend's wedding at the weekend and managed to wear the lovely dress brought for me by my hubby. I did feel really self conscious to begin with but then I thought stuff it I am here to enjoy myself and did my utmost to do just that! I felt a little bit like my old self as I tried to make the effort by doing my makeup and getting my hair done.
The hot weather isn't great when you are as top heavy as me. My bra with underwire is just so uncomfortable at the best of times but coupled with the sweat from hot weather (gross I know!) it becomes unbearable. What I find hard to deal with is how dumpy I look. I find that because my tops have to be baggy to take account of my chest size it just looks like a tent over the rest of me, but because the top clings off my chest the overall effect is that I am bigger than I actually am. I am only 5ft tall so it doesn't take much to make me look huge! It's actually quite hard to pull off any trendy look these days and I find that I am most comfortable in jeans and tshirts. I miss wearing feminine dresses and skirts which is why I was so excited to get into the dress which I wore to the wedding. I am so hoping that this time next Summer I will be back into my girlie clothes again!
I have still been going to spin classes at the gym so very pleased with myself. I watched the combat class on Thursday night and got withdrawals! I so wanted to go and join in but I just can't do the jumping up and down. I have decided I might go along one week and do it all low impact however the only problem with that is that it can make things worse when I go along but can't do it at the intensity I prefer! However I think I may just give it a try and see how I go. I have been doing my dvd's at home but mostly low impact. Whenever I do try to do a jog or a star jump I have to hold my breasts tightly in place otherwise the pain I feel is horrendous. Somehow I don't think this method would work at the gym and would only cause me unwanted stares! It works ok at home in my living room though! I have only just felt able to up the intensity of my workouts too so it is a really weird feeling when your head is telling you to up the ante but my body physically won't let me!!
Other than that my back pain seems to be getting much worse but I guess I have just got to get on with it! Baby Sam is just gorgeous however and I am loving every minute of him.
That's about it for now....
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Tuesday 14th June 2011 cont
OOps - pressed post before I had finished that last one so to continue..
I had to have a stitch put in the crossover chest part of the dress as it was slightly too low but it is just so nice to have something glam to wear. I have been so down so its really good to finally have something that makes me feel good.
I have still been seeing my counsellour - its good to offload on someone other than family. At least it gives them a break from me moaning!
I also managed to complete 2 spin classes last week - I was in a lot of pain after but was so proud of myself for completing them. I get such a buzz from exercise that it felt good to be back! I am hoping to be able to continue going. Hopefully if I strap my boobs up properly the pain might not be so bad!
A couple of weeks ago I contacted a couple of morning tv shows as I am fed up with watching programmes reporting on big chested women but in a slightly humorous way. I just asked them to consider showing a programme highlighting the fact that not all big busted women have got them through choice and that for some of us it's not funny at all and quite depressing. I got a reply back saying it might be considered but as yet nothing further has come about. I feel it would be great if they did do a programme but as this condition is so rare I don't think they will. I guess we will have to wait and see...
Thats all for now - oh I forgot to say I have heard about another woman who had this condition but her nipples grew to the size of her breasts - how awful. Apparently she had successful surgery so there is hope for me yet!!
I had to have a stitch put in the crossover chest part of the dress as it was slightly too low but it is just so nice to have something glam to wear. I have been so down so its really good to finally have something that makes me feel good.
I have still been seeing my counsellour - its good to offload on someone other than family. At least it gives them a break from me moaning!
I also managed to complete 2 spin classes last week - I was in a lot of pain after but was so proud of myself for completing them. I get such a buzz from exercise that it felt good to be back! I am hoping to be able to continue going. Hopefully if I strap my boobs up properly the pain might not be so bad!
A couple of weeks ago I contacted a couple of morning tv shows as I am fed up with watching programmes reporting on big chested women but in a slightly humorous way. I just asked them to consider showing a programme highlighting the fact that not all big busted women have got them through choice and that for some of us it's not funny at all and quite depressing. I got a reply back saying it might be considered but as yet nothing further has come about. I feel it would be great if they did do a programme but as this condition is so rare I don't think they will. I guess we will have to wait and see...
Thats all for now - oh I forgot to say I have heard about another woman who had this condition but her nipples grew to the size of her breasts - how awful. Apparently she had successful surgery so there is hope for me yet!!
Tuesday 14th June 2011
Well I have had a couple of busy weeks with the baby which is why I haven't been able to update my blog.
Things are pretty much the same size wise but I did manage to get an underwired bra - finally!! I had a nasty experience in the first shop I went to as the woman just did not know how to deal with fitting a bra for the bigger chested lady and basically ended up telling me to just make do with the bras I was already wearing as I would be having an operation eventually which would be the best way for me to feel comfortable - thanks for your help! To be honest she was that unhelpful and made me feel really shite about myself that I came out of the shop in tears. Luckily my hubby was there and he ended up talking me into going into one of the department stores to see if there was anything they could do and I was glad I did...
One of the sales women told me to try a lovely little shop called Leia which specialises in bras for the bigger chested ladies. Once there I got measured and found that I was in fact wearing the wrong size anyway and am in fact a 30 measurement not a 32! I then tried on a 30K which fitted me much better than the less supportive sports bra. Its still a huge cup but boy does it make my boobs look much better in tshirts. They just look more normal as there is much more support. I have to say that comfort wise it isn't great and after a few hours the wire is really pressing into my skin just because of the weight of my boobs I guess but I don't feel so self conscious in my tight tshirts when wearing it so thats something positive! The dents in my shoulders continue to deepen...
Another good thing - I am going to a friends wedding in a couple of weeks and was really depressed as I didn't think I would be able to find anything nice to wear. However my Mum found a mail order company that specialises in dresses and clothes for the bigger bust. I had to order a super curvy size 8 but am pleased to day it fits. The dress is gorgeous - blue and at long last I feel feminine again! I have had to have a little stitch
Things are pretty much the same size wise but I did manage to get an underwired bra - finally!! I had a nasty experience in the first shop I went to as the woman just did not know how to deal with fitting a bra for the bigger chested lady and basically ended up telling me to just make do with the bras I was already wearing as I would be having an operation eventually which would be the best way for me to feel comfortable - thanks for your help! To be honest she was that unhelpful and made me feel really shite about myself that I came out of the shop in tears. Luckily my hubby was there and he ended up talking me into going into one of the department stores to see if there was anything they could do and I was glad I did...
One of the sales women told me to try a lovely little shop called Leia which specialises in bras for the bigger chested ladies. Once there I got measured and found that I was in fact wearing the wrong size anyway and am in fact a 30 measurement not a 32! I then tried on a 30K which fitted me much better than the less supportive sports bra. Its still a huge cup but boy does it make my boobs look much better in tshirts. They just look more normal as there is much more support. I have to say that comfort wise it isn't great and after a few hours the wire is really pressing into my skin just because of the weight of my boobs I guess but I don't feel so self conscious in my tight tshirts when wearing it so thats something positive! The dents in my shoulders continue to deepen...
Another good thing - I am going to a friends wedding in a couple of weeks and was really depressed as I didn't think I would be able to find anything nice to wear. However my Mum found a mail order company that specialises in dresses and clothes for the bigger bust. I had to order a super curvy size 8 but am pleased to day it fits. The dress is gorgeous - blue and at long last I feel feminine again! I have had to have a little stitch
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Tuesday 24th May 2011
Forgot to mention yesterday - I have acquired dents in my shoulders where my bra rests. It is really sore and painful! Whoever said it was good to have large breasts I totally disagree! I am so fed up with wearing a bra 24/7 but it is still too uncomfortable to go without - they still weigh heavily on to my abdomen and it just feels horrible without one. It actually gives me the hump as it makes me too aware of them!
I am loving being able to sleep on my side again though - with my v pillow propped up underneath it is a luxury and makes sleep much more comfortable. Now its just baby that keeps me up!
I went to the gym today and when I was on the bike I felt my boobs swinging around in my bra!!!! Normally they feel tightly packed in to this particular bra but today was different. I am hopeful that this means they have slightly reduced. Its not much as I still don't fit the smaller sized bras that I own but I felt quite pleased although the swinging feeling is not the most comfortable in the world!!! My friend said today that she thought they looked smaller but I just thought it was down to the top I was wearing as certain tops can make them appear smaller but now I am thinking they have gone done a smidgen! Dare I hope anyway......
I am loving being able to sleep on my side again though - with my v pillow propped up underneath it is a luxury and makes sleep much more comfortable. Now its just baby that keeps me up!
I went to the gym today and when I was on the bike I felt my boobs swinging around in my bra!!!! Normally they feel tightly packed in to this particular bra but today was different. I am hopeful that this means they have slightly reduced. Its not much as I still don't fit the smaller sized bras that I own but I felt quite pleased although the swinging feeling is not the most comfortable in the world!!! My friend said today that she thought they looked smaller but I just thought it was down to the top I was wearing as certain tops can make them appear smaller but now I am thinking they have gone done a smidgen! Dare I hope anyway......
Monday, 23 May 2011
Monday 23rd May 2011
In the past couple of weeks I still have had no further regression. I think we can safely say that I am going to be the small percentage of sufferers who has none until I receive medical intervention. In terms of how I am feeling I am still having good and bad days. I am in absolute agony with my back still and now have sores underneath my breasts where they are so heavy and rubbing against my torso. The hot weather isn't helping as I am sweating so much it is causing the rubbing which is causing the sores! Nice eh??!! The back ache is not helping me cope with carrying the baby and the buggy well, but I have just got to get on with it!
I have started to see my counsellor again which is really helping. Just having someone to talk with and get everything offloaded helps enormously.
I am still encountering some lovely people out there who are more than ready to pass comments/judgements on my chest. I have to say I have been reacting more angrily lately but thats their tough luck for not having any tact, and I feel if they are ok to say things to me then I am perfectly within my rights to comment back.
I haven't had anymore fellow sufferers contact me through this site as yet but this has been set up for if and when the time comes that somebody needs this support network!
Til next time xx
I have started to see my counsellor again which is really helping. Just having someone to talk with and get everything offloaded helps enormously.
I am still encountering some lovely people out there who are more than ready to pass comments/judgements on my chest. I have to say I have been reacting more angrily lately but thats their tough luck for not having any tact, and I feel if they are ok to say things to me then I am perfectly within my rights to comment back.
I haven't had anymore fellow sufferers contact me through this site as yet but this has been set up for if and when the time comes that somebody needs this support network!
Til next time xx
Saturday, 7 May 2011
Saturday 7th May 2011
Spoke to the breast consultant a couple of days ago about the leaking from my nipples and the lumps in both breasts. He told me this is all completely normal and nothing to worry about it. This is just all part and parcel of the condition. However, he did say that if this is still happening when I go for my next appointment in July then we will have to put off my referral to the plastic surgeon for a while longer. This is not good news.... I am very hopeful that this will not be the case as I don't think I can handle waiting any longer so fingers crossed.
I have also been able to start sleeping on my side. This is brilliant after months of having to sleep on my back whilst pregnant. I still have to prop my v pillows around me but it is so much more comfortable and bearable than it was before. These little things make me so happy as I feel like I am finally getting somehow - I just hope I really am!
I have also been able to start sleeping on my side. This is brilliant after months of having to sleep on my back whilst pregnant. I still have to prop my v pillows around me but it is so much more comfortable and bearable than it was before. These little things make me so happy as I feel like I am finally getting somehow - I just hope I really am!
Monday, 2 May 2011
Monday 2nd May 2011
Well the past couple of weeks have been mega busy - baby Samuel is certainly keeping me busy but he is just so gorgeous and I am loving every minute of him!! Despite all that I have been through he is just fantastic!
I tried to get a bra with wires in this week but was unsuccessful - basically the biggest size available made me spill out of the top and was really uncomfortable. However, I did manage to get a sports bra and it is fantastic. It actually fits tightly around my ribcage and just offers plenty of support. It is amazing how much better I feel just from wearing a decent fitting bra. I have also been able to buy a couple of short sleeve t-shirts (as the warm weather has meant wearing cardigans is out of the question!) The bra has helped make the tops look slightly better than when wearing the bras purchased in my pregnancy as they don't look quite so droopy! Fingers crossed they will get me through summer or at least until my surgery. Note to any bra manufacturers. Women with small backs sometimes need massive cup sizes too you know, whether they suffer severe hypertrophy or for any other reason! Maybe you could make up to L cups with wires and without and also make them pretty as just because you have large boobs doesn't mean you can only wear dowdy bras!
I can honestly say I haven't had much more regression which is disappointing. I have got 2 very prominent lumps in one breast and both nipples are leaking a bloody discharge but apparently this is all normal and also partly due to the fact I have just had a baby. I am still going to ring my consultant this week to discuss with him as it does worry me slightly. My backache is continuing to haunt me and the itchiness in both breasts has returned too.
Another positive thing is that I was contacted last week by a fellow sufferer of this condition - who understands completely my feelings! It has been so good to e-mail someone in the same position and to vent my frustrations and get some positive feedback from someone that actually knows! I am hoping we can keep in touch and updated with each others stories. Again it has really helped me to be in contact with someone as I don't feel quite so alone as a sufferer! This was exactly what I hoped to gain from this blog so I am happy! Thank you so much for contacting me!
This week I have attempted to do some exercise. High impact aerobics (my absolute favourite form of exercise) is still totally off limits. Jumping is just a no-no with these boobs!! Also it is a little too soon after giving birth. However I was able to complete my toning dvds and ride on my exercise bike successfully. I could also do the low impact form of combat style exercises which also made me happy. Exercise has always been my stress buster so I am hoping that gradually with time I will be back to my usual standard!! It so helps my outlook when I work out so, even though its not what I prefer to do it is still something, so I am hoping to keep going. I may even attempt the gym in a couple of weeks - maybe a walk on the treadmill, biking or the cross trainer. I am hoping that a spin class may be on the agenda too soon.....
Well thats about all I have to update for now. Baby Samuel wants another feed so will be in touch as soon as I have more to report!
I tried to get a bra with wires in this week but was unsuccessful - basically the biggest size available made me spill out of the top and was really uncomfortable. However, I did manage to get a sports bra and it is fantastic. It actually fits tightly around my ribcage and just offers plenty of support. It is amazing how much better I feel just from wearing a decent fitting bra. I have also been able to buy a couple of short sleeve t-shirts (as the warm weather has meant wearing cardigans is out of the question!) The bra has helped make the tops look slightly better than when wearing the bras purchased in my pregnancy as they don't look quite so droopy! Fingers crossed they will get me through summer or at least until my surgery. Note to any bra manufacturers. Women with small backs sometimes need massive cup sizes too you know, whether they suffer severe hypertrophy or for any other reason! Maybe you could make up to L cups with wires and without and also make them pretty as just because you have large boobs doesn't mean you can only wear dowdy bras!
I can honestly say I haven't had much more regression which is disappointing. I have got 2 very prominent lumps in one breast and both nipples are leaking a bloody discharge but apparently this is all normal and also partly due to the fact I have just had a baby. I am still going to ring my consultant this week to discuss with him as it does worry me slightly. My backache is continuing to haunt me and the itchiness in both breasts has returned too.
Another positive thing is that I was contacted last week by a fellow sufferer of this condition - who understands completely my feelings! It has been so good to e-mail someone in the same position and to vent my frustrations and get some positive feedback from someone that actually knows! I am hoping we can keep in touch and updated with each others stories. Again it has really helped me to be in contact with someone as I don't feel quite so alone as a sufferer! This was exactly what I hoped to gain from this blog so I am happy! Thank you so much for contacting me!
This week I have attempted to do some exercise. High impact aerobics (my absolute favourite form of exercise) is still totally off limits. Jumping is just a no-no with these boobs!! Also it is a little too soon after giving birth. However I was able to complete my toning dvds and ride on my exercise bike successfully. I could also do the low impact form of combat style exercises which also made me happy. Exercise has always been my stress buster so I am hoping that gradually with time I will be back to my usual standard!! It so helps my outlook when I work out so, even though its not what I prefer to do it is still something, so I am hoping to keep going. I may even attempt the gym in a couple of weeks - maybe a walk on the treadmill, biking or the cross trainer. I am hoping that a spin class may be on the agenda too soon.....
Well thats about all I have to update for now. Baby Samuel wants another feed so will be in touch as soon as I have more to report!
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Tuesday 19th April 2011
Had an unsuccessful day trying to buy some summer tops today - I need a professional dressmaker to sort me out some nice clothes to compliment my frame in this warm weather. Today was the first time I ventured out without a cardigan on trying to cover up my chest as it was just too hot to wear one. I did feel really self-conscious and got lots of stares as per normal but I did it so am proud of myself!!
As for the state of my chest - the skin has gone seriously weird - my boobs seem to be turning into mostly skin with nothing substantial inside if you get what I mean- pretty gross! They are still really discoloured but I can fit into one of my bras that was too small last week! Happy days! Still no substantial regression to report as yet though....
As for the state of my chest - the skin has gone seriously weird - my boobs seem to be turning into mostly skin with nothing substantial inside if you get what I mean- pretty gross! They are still really discoloured but I can fit into one of my bras that was too small last week! Happy days! Still no substantial regression to report as yet though....
Monday, 18 April 2011
Monday 18th April 2011
I just wanted to let you know...
I went to the breast consultant last week. I have got to wait 3 months before any reduction will take place. This is because it will fail if we try to carry out the reduction mammoplasty now. I am obviously very frustrated but on the other hand want it to be successful so would rather wait and get it right.
The consultant said I would be referred to a plastic surgeon and then my case would be treated like those women who are awaiting reconstruction surgery so I shouldn't have to go on a waiting list. This makes me feel slightly better. He said it is a medical condition that affects you pathologically and will be treated with the seriousness it deserves. He assured me he would get me restored to my former self so I am totally beholden to him now.... Next appointment is in July so countdown begins now.
I have had some regression since giving birth but hardly anything to write home about. They are still very heavy and have now drooped even further down my abdomen. The skin is very lumpy and bumpy and extremely saggy - it looks hideous and I am still unable to fit in any of my tops.The skin is so stretched and I feel very uncomfortable all the time. This lovely weather is not helping as I have nothing to wear that doesn't draw attention to their strange shape and enormous size. I think the next few months are going to be even harder then I thought....
I went to the breast consultant last week. I have got to wait 3 months before any reduction will take place. This is because it will fail if we try to carry out the reduction mammoplasty now. I am obviously very frustrated but on the other hand want it to be successful so would rather wait and get it right.
The consultant said I would be referred to a plastic surgeon and then my case would be treated like those women who are awaiting reconstruction surgery so I shouldn't have to go on a waiting list. This makes me feel slightly better. He said it is a medical condition that affects you pathologically and will be treated with the seriousness it deserves. He assured me he would get me restored to my former self so I am totally beholden to him now.... Next appointment is in July so countdown begins now.
I have had some regression since giving birth but hardly anything to write home about. They are still very heavy and have now drooped even further down my abdomen. The skin is very lumpy and bumpy and extremely saggy - it looks hideous and I am still unable to fit in any of my tops.The skin is so stretched and I feel very uncomfortable all the time. This lovely weather is not helping as I have nothing to wear that doesn't draw attention to their strange shape and enormous size. I think the next few months are going to be even harder then I thought....
Friday, 8 April 2011
Friday 8th April 2011
Our baby boy Samuel James was born on 6th April at 6.08pm weighing 5lb 90z. I also managed to deliver naturally which I was thrilled about. He is just the most amazing creature ever......
Obviously things are still very difficult but now I have this beautiful boy to concentrate on. He is still in intensive care at the hospital but so far he is doing ever so well and we are hopeful to bring him home soon.
One of the doctors at the hospital has also decided to prepare a case study on my condition to hopefully gain further recognition. I have given my consent to her telling my story so fingers crossed that people find it interesting enough to warrant some decent medical research being carried out.
Til next time...
Obviously things are still very difficult but now I have this beautiful boy to concentrate on. He is still in intensive care at the hospital but so far he is doing ever so well and we are hopeful to bring him home soon.
One of the doctors at the hospital has also decided to prepare a case study on my condition to hopefully gain further recognition. I have given my consent to her telling my story so fingers crossed that people find it interesting enough to warrant some decent medical research being carried out.
Til next time...
Monday, 4 April 2011
Added extra..
I also would like to say - the double blow for me is that I suffer with bad body image anyway. This condition is so cruel and for me makes me feel like I am fighting a hopeless battle. Also I love high impact aerobics at the gym and I use this as my release when stressed out etc. However now I can't even do this so you can only imagine how awful this makes me feel. It feels like my whole life has been completely overtaken by this ......
Monday 4th April 2011
I am majorly panicking today - tomorrow I go in to be induced at the hospital so the nerves are sky high. It feels so weird knowing that this is the last day of life as I know it!! Life is going to be so completely different (but in a good way hopefully!!) I am feeling apprehensive about having a c section too - if the inducement doesn't work tomorrow then its c section on Weds so my head's in a bit of a whirl.
Therefore I thought for today's post I would just go through what has happened these last few months regarding the breast growth. I would just like to point out these are my personal experiences and not medical facts so if you are at all unsure about anything then please see your doctor. Not sure when I will next be back on so here goes.....
At 6 weeks pregnant I realised that my boobs were getting king of big but not too much to make me worry however when I got to early December I knew that the rate of growth just wasn't normal. In total I have had 28 weeks of growth which is a hell of a lot I can tell you! I was so anxious that I went to the doctors who then sent me to a breast consultant who confirmed within a couple of weeks that it was gestational Gigantomastia and that it is an extremely rare condition affecting 1 in 28,000 - 100,000 pregnancies (odds which are way too random for me!) Basically it was confirmed that I would have to live it with as nothing can be done to treat this all the while you are pregnant. Hardly anything is known about this condition as it is so rare but one thing I did know for certain was that my boobs would continue to grow and the growth would know no bounds so to speak. I can't tell you how awful this time has been.
Painwise I have been in agony since early December - my back, ribs and neck can just about withstand the weight of my chest. I am now at the point where I constantly feel like I want to fall flat on my face when I walk or go to stand up. Balance is a real issue. I have a constant crushing feeling in my chest and as the breasts hang over my frame it feels like they are crushing into my sides too. I have difficulty putting my arms by my sides as the boobs are in the way - nothing feels like it is sitting naturally anymore.
I have to sleep sitting upright as on my back I can't get my breath. The weight of my breasts has made me short of breath these past few months and sometimes it gets so bad that I have trouble talking. It just feels like the weight of my chest is crushing the air from my lungs. I am unable to sleep on my sides because of the overhang - again if I try, I get an agonising crushing pain through my top half which is just unbearable. Sleeping is not great either as I can only lay in one position. During this time I continued to work but with great difficulty and I have to admit that I think I over-exerted myself too much in the end. I just wanted to be as normal as possible but there is only so much you can do in the end.
My everyday life is affected now because I have to be helped out of bed in the morning, I need help in and out of the shower, drying myself and even feeding myself can be problematic due to the massive ledge I have in front of me! I do worry how this is going to affect my dealing with baby as I know how hard I am finding looking after myself but I guess I am lucky as I do have such a supportive family who will help out.Hopefully anyone that thought this condition was funny may now see how debilitating this can be and does become.
I have already said about underwear and clothing issues. I would also like to say here that the only option I have for a properly fitting bra is to get one tailor made. Now this is all very well but trying to find a place that does this is very tricky and when you consider how quickly the breasts grow (weekly or every few days) you need to be sure that the bra is going to offer the support and space to grow. The only company I have found that can do this charge £300 for one bra - which is just out of the question!! If I was a millionnaire this would be fine but taking into account how much we have spent on bras already... The bra takes up to 3 weeks to be made which is useless as my measurements will have varied by then anyway and so this is a pointless exercise. The other horrible thing I have had is that the veins in my chest are very large and bulgy where the weight of my boobs is pulling at the skin from the neck down causing the veins to look as if they are nigh on ready to explode. I can't begin to describe the effect this condition is having on the whole of my body. A couple of weeks ago I started to get issues with my left leg becoming swollen. The whole leg went massive and the doctors thought I may have a blood clot. Luckily it seems to be just fluid that we have put down to the stresses my body is under from the condition as well as the pregnancy. That was when the obstetrician decided that an early delivery of baby is necessary.
The effects of this condition psychologically are enormous - somedays I just don't feel able to carry on and I don't think I have shed as many tears as I have done recently. I have seen a specialist at the Royal Marsden hospital who is hopeful that I should have some regression once baby is born but one thing is certain is that surgery will be necessary to regain my previous form. He also mentioned that my skin will be very stretched and saggy if I do have any regression which will obviously need sorting out too. Apparently the trigger for this condition in pregnancy is that the breast tissue reacts aggressively to the pregnancy hormones and causes this severe hypertrophy. The reason I have had such intense burning and itching pains in my chest is just down to sheer volume of blood pumping through the breasts. You have to be seriously unlucky to get this I guess....
I spend a lot of time thinking of having the reduction. I know this won't be carried out straight away but I am hopeful it won't be too long as I want my life back - I want to be me again. I haven't discussed procedures with the specialist at my local hospital as yet as there was so much else to deal with first. I have researched some methods and know what I would like to have done - however its whether the doctor will agree. I just want whatever procedure to be one that is permanent in the hope that I don't ever have to go through this again. Apparently, this will occur in any future pregnancies so again thats another blow to the system as I am not sure I feel ready to say "no more babies for me" despite all these problems. Its okay when its your choice to say that but when that decision is being made for you it's not so nice. I am seeing the specialist soon so hopefully I will have some answers.
Lastly, I did try to approach a couple of well known tv programmes in the hope they may research this condition and broadcast it on tv to gain some recognition but they weren't interested.
Hopefully, this blog will help raise the awareness and make people take it seriously. I will be back soon with more news. Wish me luck!
Therefore I thought for today's post I would just go through what has happened these last few months regarding the breast growth. I would just like to point out these are my personal experiences and not medical facts so if you are at all unsure about anything then please see your doctor. Not sure when I will next be back on so here goes.....
At 6 weeks pregnant I realised that my boobs were getting king of big but not too much to make me worry however when I got to early December I knew that the rate of growth just wasn't normal. In total I have had 28 weeks of growth which is a hell of a lot I can tell you! I was so anxious that I went to the doctors who then sent me to a breast consultant who confirmed within a couple of weeks that it was gestational Gigantomastia and that it is an extremely rare condition affecting 1 in 28,000 - 100,000 pregnancies (odds which are way too random for me!) Basically it was confirmed that I would have to live it with as nothing can be done to treat this all the while you are pregnant. Hardly anything is known about this condition as it is so rare but one thing I did know for certain was that my boobs would continue to grow and the growth would know no bounds so to speak. I can't tell you how awful this time has been.
Painwise I have been in agony since early December - my back, ribs and neck can just about withstand the weight of my chest. I am now at the point where I constantly feel like I want to fall flat on my face when I walk or go to stand up. Balance is a real issue. I have a constant crushing feeling in my chest and as the breasts hang over my frame it feels like they are crushing into my sides too. I have difficulty putting my arms by my sides as the boobs are in the way - nothing feels like it is sitting naturally anymore.
I have to sleep sitting upright as on my back I can't get my breath. The weight of my breasts has made me short of breath these past few months and sometimes it gets so bad that I have trouble talking. It just feels like the weight of my chest is crushing the air from my lungs. I am unable to sleep on my sides because of the overhang - again if I try, I get an agonising crushing pain through my top half which is just unbearable. Sleeping is not great either as I can only lay in one position. During this time I continued to work but with great difficulty and I have to admit that I think I over-exerted myself too much in the end. I just wanted to be as normal as possible but there is only so much you can do in the end.
My everyday life is affected now because I have to be helped out of bed in the morning, I need help in and out of the shower, drying myself and even feeding myself can be problematic due to the massive ledge I have in front of me! I do worry how this is going to affect my dealing with baby as I know how hard I am finding looking after myself but I guess I am lucky as I do have such a supportive family who will help out.Hopefully anyone that thought this condition was funny may now see how debilitating this can be and does become.
I have already said about underwear and clothing issues. I would also like to say here that the only option I have for a properly fitting bra is to get one tailor made. Now this is all very well but trying to find a place that does this is very tricky and when you consider how quickly the breasts grow (weekly or every few days) you need to be sure that the bra is going to offer the support and space to grow. The only company I have found that can do this charge £300 for one bra - which is just out of the question!! If I was a millionnaire this would be fine but taking into account how much we have spent on bras already... The bra takes up to 3 weeks to be made which is useless as my measurements will have varied by then anyway and so this is a pointless exercise. The other horrible thing I have had is that the veins in my chest are very large and bulgy where the weight of my boobs is pulling at the skin from the neck down causing the veins to look as if they are nigh on ready to explode. I can't begin to describe the effect this condition is having on the whole of my body. A couple of weeks ago I started to get issues with my left leg becoming swollen. The whole leg went massive and the doctors thought I may have a blood clot. Luckily it seems to be just fluid that we have put down to the stresses my body is under from the condition as well as the pregnancy. That was when the obstetrician decided that an early delivery of baby is necessary.
The effects of this condition psychologically are enormous - somedays I just don't feel able to carry on and I don't think I have shed as many tears as I have done recently. I have seen a specialist at the Royal Marsden hospital who is hopeful that I should have some regression once baby is born but one thing is certain is that surgery will be necessary to regain my previous form. He also mentioned that my skin will be very stretched and saggy if I do have any regression which will obviously need sorting out too. Apparently the trigger for this condition in pregnancy is that the breast tissue reacts aggressively to the pregnancy hormones and causes this severe hypertrophy. The reason I have had such intense burning and itching pains in my chest is just down to sheer volume of blood pumping through the breasts. You have to be seriously unlucky to get this I guess....
I spend a lot of time thinking of having the reduction. I know this won't be carried out straight away but I am hopeful it won't be too long as I want my life back - I want to be me again. I haven't discussed procedures with the specialist at my local hospital as yet as there was so much else to deal with first. I have researched some methods and know what I would like to have done - however its whether the doctor will agree. I just want whatever procedure to be one that is permanent in the hope that I don't ever have to go through this again. Apparently, this will occur in any future pregnancies so again thats another blow to the system as I am not sure I feel ready to say "no more babies for me" despite all these problems. Its okay when its your choice to say that but when that decision is being made for you it's not so nice. I am seeing the specialist soon so hopefully I will have some answers.
Lastly, I did try to approach a couple of well known tv programmes in the hope they may research this condition and broadcast it on tv to gain some recognition but they weren't interested.
Hopefully, this blog will help raise the awareness and make people take it seriously. I will be back soon with more news. Wish me luck!
Sunday, 3 April 2011
One other thing for today...
I also want to say a huge thankyou to my fantastic husband, family and friends - you know who you are - for all your support. I really don't know how I would be coping or continuing to cope without your help! I hope it's not too long before you get the old Caroline back. Lots of love xx
Sunday 3rd April 2011
Today started off really positive. I had a fantastic nights sleep and couldn't believe it when I woke up actually feeling refreshed for once. Months of sleeping sitting up surrounded by pillows and unable to sleep on my side has really taken its toll so I was thrilled that I managed to sleep well!
BUT THEN..... I went to get dressed and discovered that more growth has occurred and that my once well fitting bra is now next to useless. To be honest I had an idea this would be the case as I have had such heaviness in my chest as well as increased burning pains and itching these past few days but it is still a shock when you have to accept it has happened. The worst thing is I need a bra - I can't get one as there isn't any company that specialises in bras big enough for my size so I have shed quite a few tears today - more in frustration than anything else. I have to wear a bra all the time as I can't bear the weight suctioning down on the rest of my body so now am clueless as to how I am going to get round this problem. I guess I will just have to shove them into the ill-fitting bra - something is better than nothing! Seriously though, that is the problem with this condition, I have one moment where I think yay today is gonna be good - I had a great sleep - then it is all totally undone in a matter of minutes. The negatives always seem to be hot on the heels of any positives that's for sure.
Also I used to get some comfort with my v pillow lodged underneath my chest like a support but even that isn't helping as they are just so heavy. It feels like they are trying to push their way into my stomach and it's agony!
So now I have spent the day feeling really down - looking more like a freak than ever and I feel so swollen and fat its untrue! I just wish I could look like any other normal pregnant woman showing off her baby bump with pride instead of trying to hide myself in men's xl tops and failing to look anything like a blooming mum to be but rather more like the freak I feel I am. When will this nightmare end???
Today is so not good but I am hoping tomorrow may be a bit better??
BUT THEN..... I went to get dressed and discovered that more growth has occurred and that my once well fitting bra is now next to useless. To be honest I had an idea this would be the case as I have had such heaviness in my chest as well as increased burning pains and itching these past few days but it is still a shock when you have to accept it has happened. The worst thing is I need a bra - I can't get one as there isn't any company that specialises in bras big enough for my size so I have shed quite a few tears today - more in frustration than anything else. I have to wear a bra all the time as I can't bear the weight suctioning down on the rest of my body so now am clueless as to how I am going to get round this problem. I guess I will just have to shove them into the ill-fitting bra - something is better than nothing! Seriously though, that is the problem with this condition, I have one moment where I think yay today is gonna be good - I had a great sleep - then it is all totally undone in a matter of minutes. The negatives always seem to be hot on the heels of any positives that's for sure.
Also I used to get some comfort with my v pillow lodged underneath my chest like a support but even that isn't helping as they are just so heavy. It feels like they are trying to push their way into my stomach and it's agony!
So now I have spent the day feeling really down - looking more like a freak than ever and I feel so swollen and fat its untrue! I just wish I could look like any other normal pregnant woman showing off her baby bump with pride instead of trying to hide myself in men's xl tops and failing to look anything like a blooming mum to be but rather more like the freak I feel I am. When will this nightmare end???
Today is so not good but I am hoping tomorrow may be a bit better??
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Saturday 2nd April 2011
Today I had to go to the hospital to have the second steriod injection into baby's lungs - boy is that an uncomfortable experience! To be honest it has left my legs so heavy that I haven't moved too far from the couch today (my husband jokingly calls it lazyitus!). I am just soooo tired - the weight in my chest is killing me and to be honest I am looking forward to Tues when baby is being induced. I am still only 34 weeks but the problems I am experiencing now mean that my quality of life is seriously impeded at the moment so its time for baby to arrive so that hopefully we can try to sort things out with me. I am still really scared as I am facing the unknown as I could have further growth when baby arrives or they could regress - no-one knows. Also, I have been told I will be given milk suppressant tablets once I have had baby as milk coming in could cause further issues for me but I read that one of the side effects could be hair loss. Now I have gone further into worry mode - as if this isn't all bad enough already??
I also had some very rude people staring at me today (and making it obvious). I can't tell you how it makes me feel - I just want to be a hermit. I know I look a freak but I just wish people could be slightly more tactful. Either that or I get a tshirt made proclaiming "I have Gigantomastia - I honestly didn't pay for these!" which can be worn each time I leave the house. Now the summer is coming I am getting more anxious of going out as I have no way of covering up and the thought feels me with dread..... I have had women looking at me like I am something nasty they have trodden in and men just leer and point and stare. It really does affect you psychologically. Anyway I am logging off for now am sure I will be back soon with more updates!
I also had some very rude people staring at me today (and making it obvious). I can't tell you how it makes me feel - I just want to be a hermit. I know I look a freak but I just wish people could be slightly more tactful. Either that or I get a tshirt made proclaiming "I have Gigantomastia - I honestly didn't pay for these!" which can be worn each time I leave the house. Now the summer is coming I am getting more anxious of going out as I have no way of covering up and the thought feels me with dread..... I have had women looking at me like I am something nasty they have trodden in and men just leer and point and stare. It really does affect you psychologically. Anyway I am logging off for now am sure I will be back soon with more updates!
My First Day as a Blogger!
Here's hoping the site takes off and will be beneficial for women all over the world.
As my first post I would like to welcome you all to the site - first timers, sufferers, those who are just interested and those who are viewing for friends or family. I hope the content will be interesting for you to read and that over the months and years we will be able to make a positive difference to each other's lives.
As my first post I would like to welcome you all to the site - first timers, sufferers, those who are just interested and those who are viewing for friends or family. I hope the content will be interesting for you to read and that over the months and years we will be able to make a positive difference to each other's lives.
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