I have had a couple of counselling sessions these past couple of weeks which have made me feel quite down. It's great offloading and she is a really great counsellor but it's just me - I feel like I just want to cry when I go because the lack of substantial regression is getting me down. I just want it all sorted out and when I talk about how I feel it just makes me even more depressed as we don't seem to be anywhere nearer sorting me out if that makes sense. It's so frustrating talking about something I hardly know anything about.
On a more positive note I went to a friend's wedding at the weekend and managed to wear the lovely dress brought for me by my hubby. I did feel really self conscious to begin with but then I thought stuff it I am here to enjoy myself and did my utmost to do just that! I felt a little bit like my old self as I tried to make the effort by doing my makeup and getting my hair done.
The hot weather isn't great when you are as top heavy as me. My bra with underwire is just so uncomfortable at the best of times but coupled with the sweat from hot weather (gross I know!) it becomes unbearable. What I find hard to deal with is how dumpy I look. I find that because my tops have to be baggy to take account of my chest size it just looks like a tent over the rest of me, but because the top clings off my chest the overall effect is that I am bigger than I actually am. I am only 5ft tall so it doesn't take much to make me look huge! It's actually quite hard to pull off any trendy look these days and I find that I am most comfortable in jeans and tshirts. I miss wearing feminine dresses and skirts which is why I was so excited to get into the dress which I wore to the wedding. I am so hoping that this time next Summer I will be back into my girlie clothes again!
I have still been going to spin classes at the gym so very pleased with myself. I watched the combat class on Thursday night and got withdrawals! I so wanted to go and join in but I just can't do the jumping up and down. I have decided I might go along one week and do it all low impact however the only problem with that is that it can make things worse when I go along but can't do it at the intensity I prefer! However I think I may just give it a try and see how I go. I have been doing my dvd's at home but mostly low impact. Whenever I do try to do a jog or a star jump I have to hold my breasts tightly in place otherwise the pain I feel is horrendous. Somehow I don't think this method would work at the gym and would only cause me unwanted stares! It works ok at home in my living room though! I have only just felt able to up the intensity of my workouts too so it is a really weird feeling when your head is telling you to up the ante but my body physically won't let me!!
Other than that my back pain seems to be getting much worse but I guess I have just got to get on with it! Baby Sam is just gorgeous however and I am loving every minute of him.
That's about it for now....
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Tuesday 14th June 2011 cont
OOps - pressed post before I had finished that last one so to continue..
I had to have a stitch put in the crossover chest part of the dress as it was slightly too low but it is just so nice to have something glam to wear. I have been so down so its really good to finally have something that makes me feel good.
I have still been seeing my counsellour - its good to offload on someone other than family. At least it gives them a break from me moaning!
I also managed to complete 2 spin classes last week - I was in a lot of pain after but was so proud of myself for completing them. I get such a buzz from exercise that it felt good to be back! I am hoping to be able to continue going. Hopefully if I strap my boobs up properly the pain might not be so bad!
A couple of weeks ago I contacted a couple of morning tv shows as I am fed up with watching programmes reporting on big chested women but in a slightly humorous way. I just asked them to consider showing a programme highlighting the fact that not all big busted women have got them through choice and that for some of us it's not funny at all and quite depressing. I got a reply back saying it might be considered but as yet nothing further has come about. I feel it would be great if they did do a programme but as this condition is so rare I don't think they will. I guess we will have to wait and see...
Thats all for now - oh I forgot to say I have heard about another woman who had this condition but her nipples grew to the size of her breasts - how awful. Apparently she had successful surgery so there is hope for me yet!!
I had to have a stitch put in the crossover chest part of the dress as it was slightly too low but it is just so nice to have something glam to wear. I have been so down so its really good to finally have something that makes me feel good.
I have still been seeing my counsellour - its good to offload on someone other than family. At least it gives them a break from me moaning!
I also managed to complete 2 spin classes last week - I was in a lot of pain after but was so proud of myself for completing them. I get such a buzz from exercise that it felt good to be back! I am hoping to be able to continue going. Hopefully if I strap my boobs up properly the pain might not be so bad!
A couple of weeks ago I contacted a couple of morning tv shows as I am fed up with watching programmes reporting on big chested women but in a slightly humorous way. I just asked them to consider showing a programme highlighting the fact that not all big busted women have got them through choice and that for some of us it's not funny at all and quite depressing. I got a reply back saying it might be considered but as yet nothing further has come about. I feel it would be great if they did do a programme but as this condition is so rare I don't think they will. I guess we will have to wait and see...
Thats all for now - oh I forgot to say I have heard about another woman who had this condition but her nipples grew to the size of her breasts - how awful. Apparently she had successful surgery so there is hope for me yet!!
Tuesday 14th June 2011
Well I have had a couple of busy weeks with the baby which is why I haven't been able to update my blog.
Things are pretty much the same size wise but I did manage to get an underwired bra - finally!! I had a nasty experience in the first shop I went to as the woman just did not know how to deal with fitting a bra for the bigger chested lady and basically ended up telling me to just make do with the bras I was already wearing as I would be having an operation eventually which would be the best way for me to feel comfortable - thanks for your help! To be honest she was that unhelpful and made me feel really shite about myself that I came out of the shop in tears. Luckily my hubby was there and he ended up talking me into going into one of the department stores to see if there was anything they could do and I was glad I did...
One of the sales women told me to try a lovely little shop called Leia which specialises in bras for the bigger chested ladies. Once there I got measured and found that I was in fact wearing the wrong size anyway and am in fact a 30 measurement not a 32! I then tried on a 30K which fitted me much better than the less supportive sports bra. Its still a huge cup but boy does it make my boobs look much better in tshirts. They just look more normal as there is much more support. I have to say that comfort wise it isn't great and after a few hours the wire is really pressing into my skin just because of the weight of my boobs I guess but I don't feel so self conscious in my tight tshirts when wearing it so thats something positive! The dents in my shoulders continue to deepen...
Another good thing - I am going to a friends wedding in a couple of weeks and was really depressed as I didn't think I would be able to find anything nice to wear. However my Mum found a mail order company that specialises in dresses and clothes for the bigger bust. I had to order a super curvy size 8 but am pleased to day it fits. The dress is gorgeous - blue and at long last I feel feminine again! I have had to have a little stitch
Things are pretty much the same size wise but I did manage to get an underwired bra - finally!! I had a nasty experience in the first shop I went to as the woman just did not know how to deal with fitting a bra for the bigger chested lady and basically ended up telling me to just make do with the bras I was already wearing as I would be having an operation eventually which would be the best way for me to feel comfortable - thanks for your help! To be honest she was that unhelpful and made me feel really shite about myself that I came out of the shop in tears. Luckily my hubby was there and he ended up talking me into going into one of the department stores to see if there was anything they could do and I was glad I did...
One of the sales women told me to try a lovely little shop called Leia which specialises in bras for the bigger chested ladies. Once there I got measured and found that I was in fact wearing the wrong size anyway and am in fact a 30 measurement not a 32! I then tried on a 30K which fitted me much better than the less supportive sports bra. Its still a huge cup but boy does it make my boobs look much better in tshirts. They just look more normal as there is much more support. I have to say that comfort wise it isn't great and after a few hours the wire is really pressing into my skin just because of the weight of my boobs I guess but I don't feel so self conscious in my tight tshirts when wearing it so thats something positive! The dents in my shoulders continue to deepen...
Another good thing - I am going to a friends wedding in a couple of weeks and was really depressed as I didn't think I would be able to find anything nice to wear. However my Mum found a mail order company that specialises in dresses and clothes for the bigger bust. I had to order a super curvy size 8 but am pleased to day it fits. The dress is gorgeous - blue and at long last I feel feminine again! I have had to have a little stitch
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Tuesday 24th May 2011
Forgot to mention yesterday - I have acquired dents in my shoulders where my bra rests. It is really sore and painful! Whoever said it was good to have large breasts I totally disagree! I am so fed up with wearing a bra 24/7 but it is still too uncomfortable to go without - they still weigh heavily on to my abdomen and it just feels horrible without one. It actually gives me the hump as it makes me too aware of them!
I am loving being able to sleep on my side again though - with my v pillow propped up underneath it is a luxury and makes sleep much more comfortable. Now its just baby that keeps me up!
I went to the gym today and when I was on the bike I felt my boobs swinging around in my bra!!!! Normally they feel tightly packed in to this particular bra but today was different. I am hopeful that this means they have slightly reduced. Its not much as I still don't fit the smaller sized bras that I own but I felt quite pleased although the swinging feeling is not the most comfortable in the world!!! My friend said today that she thought they looked smaller but I just thought it was down to the top I was wearing as certain tops can make them appear smaller but now I am thinking they have gone done a smidgen! Dare I hope anyway......
I am loving being able to sleep on my side again though - with my v pillow propped up underneath it is a luxury and makes sleep much more comfortable. Now its just baby that keeps me up!
I went to the gym today and when I was on the bike I felt my boobs swinging around in my bra!!!! Normally they feel tightly packed in to this particular bra but today was different. I am hopeful that this means they have slightly reduced. Its not much as I still don't fit the smaller sized bras that I own but I felt quite pleased although the swinging feeling is not the most comfortable in the world!!! My friend said today that she thought they looked smaller but I just thought it was down to the top I was wearing as certain tops can make them appear smaller but now I am thinking they have gone done a smidgen! Dare I hope anyway......
Monday, 23 May 2011
Monday 23rd May 2011
In the past couple of weeks I still have had no further regression. I think we can safely say that I am going to be the small percentage of sufferers who has none until I receive medical intervention. In terms of how I am feeling I am still having good and bad days. I am in absolute agony with my back still and now have sores underneath my breasts where they are so heavy and rubbing against my torso. The hot weather isn't helping as I am sweating so much it is causing the rubbing which is causing the sores! Nice eh??!! The back ache is not helping me cope with carrying the baby and the buggy well, but I have just got to get on with it!
I have started to see my counsellor again which is really helping. Just having someone to talk with and get everything offloaded helps enormously.
I am still encountering some lovely people out there who are more than ready to pass comments/judgements on my chest. I have to say I have been reacting more angrily lately but thats their tough luck for not having any tact, and I feel if they are ok to say things to me then I am perfectly within my rights to comment back.
I haven't had anymore fellow sufferers contact me through this site as yet but this has been set up for if and when the time comes that somebody needs this support network!
Til next time xx
I have started to see my counsellor again which is really helping. Just having someone to talk with and get everything offloaded helps enormously.
I am still encountering some lovely people out there who are more than ready to pass comments/judgements on my chest. I have to say I have been reacting more angrily lately but thats their tough luck for not having any tact, and I feel if they are ok to say things to me then I am perfectly within my rights to comment back.
I haven't had anymore fellow sufferers contact me through this site as yet but this has been set up for if and when the time comes that somebody needs this support network!
Til next time xx
Saturday, 7 May 2011
Saturday 7th May 2011
Spoke to the breast consultant a couple of days ago about the leaking from my nipples and the lumps in both breasts. He told me this is all completely normal and nothing to worry about it. This is just all part and parcel of the condition. However, he did say that if this is still happening when I go for my next appointment in July then we will have to put off my referral to the plastic surgeon for a while longer. This is not good news.... I am very hopeful that this will not be the case as I don't think I can handle waiting any longer so fingers crossed.
I have also been able to start sleeping on my side. This is brilliant after months of having to sleep on my back whilst pregnant. I still have to prop my v pillows around me but it is so much more comfortable and bearable than it was before. These little things make me so happy as I feel like I am finally getting somehow - I just hope I really am!
I have also been able to start sleeping on my side. This is brilliant after months of having to sleep on my back whilst pregnant. I still have to prop my v pillows around me but it is so much more comfortable and bearable than it was before. These little things make me so happy as I feel like I am finally getting somehow - I just hope I really am!
Monday, 2 May 2011
Monday 2nd May 2011
Well the past couple of weeks have been mega busy - baby Samuel is certainly keeping me busy but he is just so gorgeous and I am loving every minute of him!! Despite all that I have been through he is just fantastic!
I tried to get a bra with wires in this week but was unsuccessful - basically the biggest size available made me spill out of the top and was really uncomfortable. However, I did manage to get a sports bra and it is fantastic. It actually fits tightly around my ribcage and just offers plenty of support. It is amazing how much better I feel just from wearing a decent fitting bra. I have also been able to buy a couple of short sleeve t-shirts (as the warm weather has meant wearing cardigans is out of the question!) The bra has helped make the tops look slightly better than when wearing the bras purchased in my pregnancy as they don't look quite so droopy! Fingers crossed they will get me through summer or at least until my surgery. Note to any bra manufacturers. Women with small backs sometimes need massive cup sizes too you know, whether they suffer severe hypertrophy or for any other reason! Maybe you could make up to L cups with wires and without and also make them pretty as just because you have large boobs doesn't mean you can only wear dowdy bras!
I can honestly say I haven't had much more regression which is disappointing. I have got 2 very prominent lumps in one breast and both nipples are leaking a bloody discharge but apparently this is all normal and also partly due to the fact I have just had a baby. I am still going to ring my consultant this week to discuss with him as it does worry me slightly. My backache is continuing to haunt me and the itchiness in both breasts has returned too.
Another positive thing is that I was contacted last week by a fellow sufferer of this condition - who understands completely my feelings! It has been so good to e-mail someone in the same position and to vent my frustrations and get some positive feedback from someone that actually knows! I am hoping we can keep in touch and updated with each others stories. Again it has really helped me to be in contact with someone as I don't feel quite so alone as a sufferer! This was exactly what I hoped to gain from this blog so I am happy! Thank you so much for contacting me!
This week I have attempted to do some exercise. High impact aerobics (my absolute favourite form of exercise) is still totally off limits. Jumping is just a no-no with these boobs!! Also it is a little too soon after giving birth. However I was able to complete my toning dvds and ride on my exercise bike successfully. I could also do the low impact form of combat style exercises which also made me happy. Exercise has always been my stress buster so I am hoping that gradually with time I will be back to my usual standard!! It so helps my outlook when I work out so, even though its not what I prefer to do it is still something, so I am hoping to keep going. I may even attempt the gym in a couple of weeks - maybe a walk on the treadmill, biking or the cross trainer. I am hoping that a spin class may be on the agenda too soon.....
Well thats about all I have to update for now. Baby Samuel wants another feed so will be in touch as soon as I have more to report!
I tried to get a bra with wires in this week but was unsuccessful - basically the biggest size available made me spill out of the top and was really uncomfortable. However, I did manage to get a sports bra and it is fantastic. It actually fits tightly around my ribcage and just offers plenty of support. It is amazing how much better I feel just from wearing a decent fitting bra. I have also been able to buy a couple of short sleeve t-shirts (as the warm weather has meant wearing cardigans is out of the question!) The bra has helped make the tops look slightly better than when wearing the bras purchased in my pregnancy as they don't look quite so droopy! Fingers crossed they will get me through summer or at least until my surgery. Note to any bra manufacturers. Women with small backs sometimes need massive cup sizes too you know, whether they suffer severe hypertrophy or for any other reason! Maybe you could make up to L cups with wires and without and also make them pretty as just because you have large boobs doesn't mean you can only wear dowdy bras!
I can honestly say I haven't had much more regression which is disappointing. I have got 2 very prominent lumps in one breast and both nipples are leaking a bloody discharge but apparently this is all normal and also partly due to the fact I have just had a baby. I am still going to ring my consultant this week to discuss with him as it does worry me slightly. My backache is continuing to haunt me and the itchiness in both breasts has returned too.
Another positive thing is that I was contacted last week by a fellow sufferer of this condition - who understands completely my feelings! It has been so good to e-mail someone in the same position and to vent my frustrations and get some positive feedback from someone that actually knows! I am hoping we can keep in touch and updated with each others stories. Again it has really helped me to be in contact with someone as I don't feel quite so alone as a sufferer! This was exactly what I hoped to gain from this blog so I am happy! Thank you so much for contacting me!
This week I have attempted to do some exercise. High impact aerobics (my absolute favourite form of exercise) is still totally off limits. Jumping is just a no-no with these boobs!! Also it is a little too soon after giving birth. However I was able to complete my toning dvds and ride on my exercise bike successfully. I could also do the low impact form of combat style exercises which also made me happy. Exercise has always been my stress buster so I am hoping that gradually with time I will be back to my usual standard!! It so helps my outlook when I work out so, even though its not what I prefer to do it is still something, so I am hoping to keep going. I may even attempt the gym in a couple of weeks - maybe a walk on the treadmill, biking or the cross trainer. I am hoping that a spin class may be on the agenda too soon.....
Well thats about all I have to update for now. Baby Samuel wants another feed so will be in touch as soon as I have more to report!
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